Nom!

I decided to try something a lil' different for dinner this evening:

Smoked salmon and cucumber "sushi" with celery and red pepper.

Feeling OK

Today is day 2 of the Clean and Lean Diet. All still going well, though I found it hard to stomach cucumber for breakfast. Apart from that, we're enjoying the amount of greens on the eating plan. I really don't feel hungry between meals, but it's still early days...

D made another pot of rooibos tea for me this morning. I added the juice of one minneola to it and have placed it in the fridge to chill. Last night we added a little lemon juice to the tea which was really yummy. We're both so used to having a drink every night - so far, so good! Will see how it goes over the weekend though. ;) And I must admit - I do miss sweetener in my coffee. Xylitol just isn't the same.

I went to see a recruitment agency this morning. I wore a beautiful soft blouse I bought at the store an hour before the interview. I tied my hair back, and applied a small amount of eye-shadow - I felt pretty good. :) I told the lady that I don't really need a job... I want one. D and I are quite comfy just the way we are. But I want to be more. I want to experience more. I want to make a difference. I don't want to wake up each day doing the same ol' thing time and time again. As much as I want a job, I'm not going to get my hopes up. I have numerous qualifications, but no experience. *sigh*

Will leave it at that for now.

It's raining, and I'm off to make a hot cup of tea!

Ally
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Chill Pill

Had to delete my post from earlier this morning. It didn't make much sense, so let me elaborate:

Last week I applied for a job, and was sent a hurtful e-mail in return. This, added to my already non-existent self esteem, caused a huge problem for me. I'm still not quite over it just yet, and honestly, I don't know how to really pick myself up. I can't sleep. I feel so very, very low. There are so many items on my 'to do' list piling up because I can't get going. *must.fix.me*

This morning mom treated me to a cut and colour at the hairdresser. I enjoyed getting out a little and chatting to the other ladies. The part that was soul destroying was seeing clumps of my hair fall out during washing and combing. Near the end, I sat in the chair, and wept... I don't feel very pretty, or feminine, as is. And my hair has become so thin. I'm trying to tell myself to enjoy it while I still have it... that there are others out there who have the same problem, or even worse. The hairdresser, for example, has a pulmonary disease of sorts, and only has 40% lung capacity remaining. She works in the mornings as she's too tired to even stand by the afternoon, and can not walk very far. I should be grateful that I am able to walk and do so many things that others out there can't. I went to the store afterwards, and saw a lady with shaved hair. She looked lovely, and most importantly, she looked happy. If it comes to that, then so be it. :)

And now on to meds: I bought some Inositol this morning. On the label it reads:

Assists with stress, insomnia, depression and anxiety. Enhances immune system and brain function. Promotes hair growth.

Hello! I was sold! I know a lot of PCOS women take it and have had good results. I popped one this afternoon after lunch, along with a vitamin D and Cinnachrome, and must admit that I feel a little less anxious. Groovy! Hopefully it's not because I'm over-tired. Will see how I feel on them tomorrow. *holding thumbs*

Today is day 1 of the Clean and Lean Diet too, and all has gone well. I didn't know how I'd cope with eating spinach for breakfast, but it was very yummy! I've added a 'Food Log' to my blog, and will keep on updating as I go along. It's only the first day so I have not (yet) had any detoxing headaches, aches and/or pains. hehe

D should be home from work any minute now, so best I go and make some dinner.

Ally
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Phew!

Ok so this morning was a bit of a nightmare - the crowds, the admin process which never runs smoothly, traffic, and so on... but I made it! It took almost 3 hours of walking around from one place to another (and being shoved around a little), but all is done. I now have my alumni student card, so I can use the library for some research I have to do.

I walked a lot today. It was very hot and humid, and I ended up being quite sweaty! Nonetheless, I'm glad I got some exercise in. :)

It's almost 6pm and D is still at work. I'm going to clean my desk, and cook some din din.

Ally
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Meh.

I stayed up with D while he worked late last night, so I didn't manage to get up early this morning. I didn't tell him my plans either because I know he'd laugh at me. I sometimes wish he'd take me a little more seriously. Oh well. There's always tomorrow, right?

D woke up just after 3:30am - to do even more work. I couldn't get back to sleep. This morning I have to go to the university to sign up for my access card. And I am terrified! I won't be allowed to park inside - so I'll have to park in the first year's parking area, and then walk... and walk...
I don't mind the walking part, at all. It's the people part that scares me to death. I lay awake trying to figure out how to get around the university without having to be seen that much. I feel like crying because firstly, it's really sad. And secondly, it's really silly too. I think I've developed a social phobia of some sort.

So I didn't have a very good start to my day. I just wanted D to hold me and tell me that it would all be okay, but I didn't want him to know how I really felt deep down inside (he has a lot going on with a work project right now). When he left for work I cried a little.

I'm trying so hard to be brave.

Ally
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It is time...

I've been psyching myself up for a few days now, and have finally finished setting up my blog. The only thing left to sort out is a schedule of sorts - I'm hoping to wake up early and get some gym in each morning. Every time I mention this to D, he laughs. I really want to get out of the 100s - I'm feeling more uncomfortable than ever before, and I'm running out of fat clothes! So yes...

It is time.

Ally
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